I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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