smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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