He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
