In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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