so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
