Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
