Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
