this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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