did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I believe in your delicious
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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