I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
