my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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