Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
