Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
