why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
