oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
