i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
