The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
