HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
