Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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