1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
