Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
