you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
