I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
