I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
