tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
