Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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