Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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