i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
