Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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