I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
