Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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