Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
