Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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