I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
