did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Someone shattered a urinal.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
