He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
