The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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