On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
