Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
