Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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