theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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