Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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