I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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