its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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