This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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