If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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