Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
