Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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