I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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