now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
