Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
