my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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