I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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