I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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