there was a trapeze. enough said
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize