I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
