So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
