My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
